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I have 700 friends on Facebook, 36 of whom I consider exes. Alarmists fret that casual sex discourages intimacy. When you share your bed, your toothbrush, your sexual hang-ups, and the topography of the ­cellulite on your butt with a stranger, the intimacy is real. You are privy to information his family and friends are not; you know what he sounds like when he orgasms and when he snores.

Not all are ex-boyfriends—in the eleven years that “boyfriend” has been a name for men in my life, I have referred to nine as “boyfriends.” The rest are men I dated casually, guys I dated disastrously, make-out buddies, one-night stands, vacation flings, and a few boys I never touched but flirted with so heavily they can no longer be categorized as “just friends.” These people aren’t ex-boyfriends but they’re ex-something, weighted with enough personal history to make my stomach drop when they message me or pop up in social-media feeds. There was a time, I am told, when exes lived in Texas and you could avoid them by moving to Tennessee. You may never see this person again, but he will always be your ex. Like “dialing” a cell phone or “filming” a digital video, “one-night stand” is an anachronism.

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We gorge ourselves on information about the lives of our exes. Older generations didn’t have a word for this kind of thing—they couldn’t have. Even casual dates have expansive biographies to plow through and life narratives you can follow for years.But aesthetic consideration of bodies also raises acute ethical questions: the body is intertwined with identity and sense of self, and aesthetic assessment of bodies can perpetuate oppression based on race, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, size, and disability.Artistic and media representations shape how we see and engage with bodies, with consequences both personal and political.Etiquette can’t keep up with us—not that we would honor it anyway—so ex relationships run on lust and impulse and nosiness and envy alternating with fantasy.It’s a dozen soap operas playing at the same time on a dozen different screens, and you are the star of them all.

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